As Hope Slips Away
by Dreamer-247.2
Summary: What if instead of Batman it was Nightwing who didn't save Robin in time. What if Dick blamed himself for Jason's death. An AU that takes place within the youngjustice universe.
1. Out Of Time

When Bruce had been out of Gotham to do a world scale mission with the Justice League, he left Robin in Nightwing's care. To put it simply in Dick's way it was babysitting. Not that Dick was delighted by that case but Jason had the same piece in mind.

They both weren't really in great terms. It's not like Dick hated Jason in a way he was just still recovering from his backlash with Bruce from a few years ago when Bruce fired him. When he lived in Blüdhaven he managed to put down that anger. However a few months later the news talked about Batman and Robin stopping a big drug dealer.

And Dick felt betrayed somehow cause he was replaced. He didn't really mind much now but he was still pissed. Mostly because of Bruce but Jason's attitude had also been another factor. Also he would rather give missions to the new members that joined the team.

And here he was patrolling with a 15 year old who took his job. Oh well not that Nightwing is bad he just missed being robin sometimes.

Nothing big had happened in Gotham tonight except for a few robbery and mugging attempts.

"Well that was boring." Jason frowned. The boy had expected some challenge or at least a good time to kick some thugs butt. The poor robbers who had a broken nose and some broken ribs apparently wasn't enough for his satisfaction. Dick wondered how the Batman kept Robin in check.

"You're expecting someone like Scarecrow to show up?"

"Hell yeah! At least thing's would've been more interesting."

Dick knew that Jay had a temper and that he was violent especially among the thugs. Batman had tried to knock some sense to him when he almost killed one of Black Mask's thugs. That didn't work of course cause the kid was stubborn enough.

They both might have disliked each other but Dick didn't look with a blind eye. Maybe because he was once robin or maybe because he was now in charge of the team, carrying that leadership responsibility which also meant being responsible for Jason subconsciously. Robin was a part of the team after all. He was one of the new recruits.

Dick was a bit concerned at Jason. Someday that attitude of his might got him in trouble or killed. He thought for a silent moment.

"Hey dickhead, let's try another round."

Dick wasn't pleased with that line but it shoved him back from his bad thoughts... Every robin has had a near death experience more than once but they all survived. He survived. So Jason would too even if he's rash and does more with his fists.

"Oh shut up kid."

Dick replied smirking a bit.

"You better hurry up slow butt. Let's see what the first boy wonder is capable of."

Jason chuckled already going with his grappling hook and running above the rooftops.

Sigh. Dick followed behind.

Jason had the team with him. He had the skills. There's nothing Dick needed to worry about.

The night was young after all and he had no plan to lose against Robin in terms of patrol. He would lecture the bird later.

The following days were the same. A few thugs here and there, takeouts with burgers, and sometimes training with the team in Mount Justice.

One time Jason had asked why Dick had his cupboard full of cereals in his apartment when they visited Blüdhaven. The conversation ended with Dick shoving cereal bowls in front of Jason and arguing over burgers or cereals for that matter. Not to mention some curses.

Dick thought that maybe being with the little bird wasn't so bad after all.

**A few weeks later**

When the entire team got trapped in a doomsday mission that they would definitely fail, Dick had swore that he would never ever want to feel that deep guilt and despair that has been haunting him for years.

Sure it was just an exercise but it felt so real that he sacrificed everyone for the mission. Up to this day he still felt the burden and haunting responsibility as a leader. And he didn't want to disappoint anyone ever again so he swore to be better, to make it up to the things that wasn't really his fault. For the sake of the team and maybe, to punish himself for not doing better.

So when that gut wrenching despair feeling came up again it made him feel something way much more worse.

**Fear**

Dick pushed the gas harder. He was at his maximum speed with his motorcycle.

He needed to go faster. Or else...

No

He won't allow himself to imagine what's going to happen he needed to have hope.

A few hours ago he had a message. A not so unfamiliar card from a certain psycho with blood coating the edges. But that's not what made Dick stopped breathing for a while.

It was an envelope written with the Robin logo, written with blood.

Dick tried to breathe but he wasn't able to successfully do such simple task. He took a peek inside and found a letter.

The words were red written with blood just like the logo in the envelope.

Come and play won't you?

Don't wanna keep little birdy waiting for long.

-Mr J-

A few sentence was all it took for Dick to tremble. The words haha scattered over the letter didn't made it much better.

He dared himself to take a peek of the photo that was still in the letter. Oh how he should've listened to his mind to not do it. He regretted it almost immediately.

He felt sick.

The image burned into his memory and no matter what he did it won't go away.

He was sure he was having a nightmare if not for the sweaty hands that was still holding the foto.

An address was written at the back of the picture still in red and God it made him almost puke.

His hands were still trembling and he wasn't stopping. Dick searched for air. Breathe. He tried to calm down which was failing tremendously.

And without realizing his whole body was sweating hard and panting. For the first time after a while Dick felt fear. And it was worse than anything else he had ever experienced.

He crumpled the letter and ran straightaway to his motorcycle. The Joker likes to play and having fun in his own twisted version is definitely not fun in Dick's head.

Dick had a few of his experiences with the Joker as Robin and suddenly the bad memories we're playing like a broken tape. The memories he tried to lock away about his 'sessions' were now replaced by Jason in his stead. And Dick couldn't stop it from coming no matter what he did. He could bear the burden and pain himself but Jay... He didn't deserve that. Dick clenched his teeth, swallowing the bitter memory.

He cursed under his breath. Panic is not what he needs right now, he needs to save Jason.

He just hoped that he wasn't too late.

And slowly that hope is slipping away.

Dick jumped out of his motorcycle not even bothered to turn it off. His brother dare he say was in the line and he hadn't cared if it broke down. For the first time Dick found the exact reason why he cared so much. Which was ironic enough in the middle of a life death situation. He thought of Jason as a brother, a sibling, a family. And he sure as hell was dumb enough to not realize it sooner. No, he realized it he was just denying it. Because he didn't know what to do as a big brother. He didn't know if he was ready to let someone in again. Not after his parents died, not after disappointing Bruce and his team. But he can't deny that fact now.

He was meters away from the warehouse.

Just hold on a little longer. He silently begged. Hold on jay bird plea-

Before he knew it, Dick was knocked back with the rubbles. His ear rang so loud and for a moment everything was silent.

Dick remembered a memory of the child he was. Days after he was adopted by Bruce Wayne hiding in his bed sheets denying everyone's company. He remembered the boy who had tears in his eyes curling like a ball hugging a pillow. The small boy who looked vulnerable about to weep again at any given moment. Somehow Dick remembered that feeling, that sadness, that loneliness. He never wanted to lose anyone ever again. But why now? Why that memory all of a sudden and why was it so warm? What? Dick slowly opened his eyes. It's winter why is it so hot?! His mind argued not helping the headache.

His entire muscle screamed at him to lay down for a while but Dick felt that he was forgetting something important. He was searching for someone.

Dick slowly picked himself up from the snow. Everything was shaky what. Why was it so bright? He felt like he had been overrun by a Truck. His headache didn't give him the better condition.

Dick turned around. Everything came back in a flash. The bloody message, fear, rage, blood, despair, memories, Joker, warehouse-

Robin... Jason.

No.

"NO!"

He wished he had never opened his eyes. The rubbles they were everywhere. The warehouse was destroyed and the cold night was filled with burning fire.

No he's not dea- No! Dick can't continue his words. He didn't dare. He rushed towards the remains of the burnt warehouse not minding some of the fire which was still burning the woods.

He'll survive he would survive. He's robin he's the boy wonder. Dick knew that he was wrong. Nothing could survive that explosion but he held on to hope. The slightest hope he could find because it was what kept him going. It was the thing that kept him searching through the piles of broken woods. It was the thing that kept him sane through his darkest hours. It was the thing that let him believe that he would apologize to the kid and let him ride the batmobile anytime together without Bruce knowing. It was the thing that let him believe that he could buy lots of burgers for the kid when he's back. It was the thing that gave him a chance to be a better person. A better brother.

So he can't lose hope not yet not ever.

And then he saw him.

A broken figure laying limp a few meters away.

Dick swore at that moment that his heart stopped beating.

That he lost hope.

**So this is my first fanfic so I apologize if it's not that great.**

**Also all this is basically based on my dream I had after watching young justice lol. I just edited them out cause dreams are basically weird and didn't make sense.**

**Keep in mind that english is not my first language hence the grammatical and spelling errors. Pls do correct me If I made some mistakes**

**I hope you enjoy :)**


	2. Apologies

Death was inevitable one way or another. It never discriminates between the young and old, the poor and the rich. It never did. But at that moment, Dick hoped that Death made a specification.

So that he could stop the pain from tearing his memories, his life.

But death never listened to him when he begged. Death was a cruel truth. And Dick tried to fought it even if he knew that at the end...

It was hopeless after all.

Dick didn't move. Why can't he move?! Why didn't his body move?! Dick screamed to his body, begging himself to take a step forward. Calm down Jason might still be alive, and you're on your way to safe him. Come on Dick!

That last thought managed to push him forward. His breath tightens every time he took a step forward. What was he so scared of? Sure Jay might look bad but it was nothing Alfred couldn't fix right? He's alive Grayson. He's alive.

Liar.

The word repeated through his mind. The hope he just built slowly crumbling again to ashes. And every step he took closer to the broken figure of Robin, of Jay, the word seems to speak louder.

Dick tried to breathe but no matter what he did the air from his lungs slips away. No, it was the feeling in his chest that suffocates him. And Dick felt the panic rising even further.

In all his experiences with injuries of he himself or his fellow teammates, they were severe enough. The team would usually came back with either broken bones, broken ribs, a concussion or two, or some stitches. Even then they would survive it all. Dick never enjoyed the sight of wounds and his team in pain so he tried to laugh it off. Making some bad jokes or messing with the english dictionary was one of the many things in his agenda everytime they came back battered.

Dick would have a dislocated arm and just call it a day smiling like the brave idiot he was.

But this? No. Not this time.

Not when Jason's condition was one of the worst one's he's seen to this day.

"Oh God Jay.."

Jason looked like hell. But Dick knew that his horror was far from over.

Because Jason was silent, and he wasn't moving. Not at the slightest.

Dick tried to think of something. Signs that Jay we're alive. He reached out to Jason's crumpled body. His suit completely ripped apart, showing the visible bruises and wounds of the young boy.

Dick shuddered.

"Jason wake up." Dick begged. He didn't realize that his voice was so weak. Why was he trembling? Why?

"Jay.." He tried again.

Silence was the only reply.

Dick tried to look away, away from the person who he failed to come to. He didn't even know where to start. He didn't dare examining the injuries of the young boy.

He tried to remember what Batman taught him about first hand medical experience. Which was something important that he wasn't supposed to forget! Not when someone's life is on the line!

If Jay was still alive after all.

And then it struck him. A pulse.

Find a pulse Grayson. Dick tried to ignore the bruises and scars on Jason's face. The image of the cursed photo from the psychotic monster was still in his memories. Dick felt his anger rage but it was quickly overwhelmed with fear. Fear of what he knew would definitely happen. Yet, he kept denying.

Dick tried to find a pulse, anything.

Nothing.

And the last bit of hope shattered.

Dick tried harder. He won't, no... He can't.

"Jay please." Dick tried. He swallowed hard.

"Please." He tried again, this time a bit louder. He shook Jason softly.

His eyes were burning behind the cowl but he didn't care.

"Come on little bird you said you're going to kick my butt."

Dick ruffled his hair. The dirty black hair that was covered in blood. The once mischievous smile in the boy's face was now left with nothing.

Dick hoped for anything, a miracle, cause he wouldn't accept it, not when so much have been taken from him.

Dick knew he needed to let go. He knew Jay was gone. He could lie to anyone but he couldn't lie to himself.

"I'm sorry."

It was the last straw.

"I'm sorry." Dick repeated, his arms tightened around the broken body.

"I'm so sorry Jay I-"

I failed you.

He couldn't finish his sentence. Dick can't hold it anymore.

He buried his head and let out a small sob.

Everything the Batman had been training him to hold his emotions were useless. Right now he didn't care. He wasn't the Batman, or Robin or Nightwing. Right now he was Dick Grayson. And he failed Jason.

Dick would do anything to prevent this from happening. He would take Jason's place if it meant that he would still be smiling now. But it was too late. No matter what he do he won't be able to do anything. It's useless.

Dick stopped hoping. He stopped trying.

Something broke, a similar feeling he had in the past whenever he remembered his parents body lying limp. Except the feeling was fresh in mind. He could've stopped this all from happening.

But he failed again.


End file.
